What makes you feel connected to your spouse in stressful times?
Eccl 4:9-12 talks about the value of having good connections with others. All of life is made better by good connections. Connection provides a better return on labour. It provides support when you fall. It’s warmth when you sleep and added strength and protection in crisis. These verses are especially powerful when applied to marriage. They end with the statement “a cord of three strands is not easily broken.” Eccl 4:9-12 is a blueprint for surviving stressful times in marriage.
The last year and a half Joe and I have lived in a pressure cooker of trial and stress. It has been brutal! We have faced one major issue after another, punctuated by multiple smaller issues, ranging from the highly frustrating to the borderline traumatic. All on a back drop of the continuous 10-12 hour a day stress fest that is my husband’s job. This has unequivocally been the most stressful season of our entire lives.
Our daughter was hospitalized with delirium brought on by COVID. Joe was hospitalized for a life threatening sepsis from a spider bite. I had two hospitalizations, including a major surgery to remove a section of my intestines. The resulting medical debt was staggering. Adding to the burden of the medical debt, surgery prohibited me from working for 6 weeks. When our son returned from the Navy, he was dealing with valley of the shadow of death kinds of issues. A dearly loved friend died of cancer. I was unable to attend her funeral because I was in the hospital. Those are just some of the things we faced.
While none of the issues we faced were directly related to our marriage, the non-stop stress put a significant strain on our relationship. Up to this season, though not problem free, our marriage has been strong, fulfilling, happy and deeply connected. None-the-less, the continuous stress sorely tested our connection. This season has felt like a raging torrent working to undermine the foundation of our relationship.
When we realized the extent to which this season was seriously over-taxing our relationship, we intentionally dedicated ourselves to do what it took to fix it. We started marriage counseling. Redoubled our commitment to active listening and loving communication. We made a greater effort to pray together and sought God’s guidance and wisdom in navigating the trials that kept coming our way.
In addition, we earnestly sought everyday to do little things to enhance positive feelings of connection with each other. These weren’t grand gestures that required a lot of time and prep work. They were simple little things that spoke love and connection to the other person. I texted Joe at work to let him know I was praying for him. Joe kept the dogs quiet on Saturday morning so I could sleep-in. We spent time talking together about all the little and big things in our lives and how the stress affected us. We made a concerted effort to really listen to each other, empathize and support each other. We committed to do something together once a week that we both enjoyed and was just plain fun.
The most effective step we took to feel and be connected during this season was grabbing ahold of the center strand of our three fold cord. Marriage is like a well made cord. Cord consists of two or more stands of fiber twined around a center strand and each other. Clinging to and centering our relationship on God nurtured a strength in our marriage that was able to withstand whatever trial this season threw at us.
Going to God together to cast our cares on Him and seek His wisdom and guidance allowed God to weave us together around Himself as the central strand of our union. So, like well made cord, our intertwined strands held strong even when stretched well beyond our individual breaking points. Centering on God has strengthened our emotional and marital connection.
Whether you are blessed to be in a good season or currently going through a season of stress, take some time to discuss what makes you feel connected to your spouse. Share openly the positive things that bond you to each other and make a plan to incorporate those things into your daily/weekly/monthly routines. Most importantly commit to making God the center strand of your marriage cord. There is no greater strength to sustain your connection.
Two are better than one because they have a more satisfying return for their labour for if either of them falls , one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and does not have another to lift him up. Again if two lie down together, then they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? And though one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Eccl. 4:9-12
Leap of Faith 
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