Leap of Faith

Tag: managing adversity

  • A CORD OF THREE STRANDS: Strengthening Marital Connection

    Photo by Creative Commons Images

    What makes you feel connected to your spouse in stressful times?

    Eccl 4:9-12 talks about the value of having good connections with others. All of life is made better by good connections. Connection provides a better return on labour. It provides support when you fall. It’s warmth when you sleep and added strength and protection in crisis. These verses are especially powerful when applied to marriage. They end with the statement “a cord of three strands is not easily broken.” Eccl 4:9-12 is a blueprint for surviving stressful times in marriage. 

    The last year and a half Joe and I have lived in a pressure cooker of trial and stress. It has been brutal! We have faced one major issue after another, punctuated by multiple smaller issues, ranging from the highly frustrating to the borderline traumatic. All on a back drop of the continuous 10-12 hour a day stress fest that is my husband’s job. This has unequivocally been the most stressful season of our entire lives.

    Photo by Alpha Trade Zone

    Our daughter was hospitalized with delirium brought on by COVID. Joe was hospitalized for a life threatening sepsis from a spider bite. I had two hospitalizations, including a major surgery to remove a section of my intestines. The resulting medical debt was staggering. Adding to the burden of the medical debt, surgery prohibited me from working for 6 weeks. When our son returned from the Navy, he was dealing with valley of the shadow of death kinds of issues. A dearly loved friend died of cancer. I was unable to attend her funeral because I was in the hospital. Those are just some of the things we faced.

    While none of the issues we faced were directly related to our marriage, the non-stop stress put a significant strain on our relationship. Up to this season, though not problem free, our marriage has been strong, fulfilling, happy and deeply connected. None-the-less, the continuous stress sorely tested our connection. This season has felt like a raging torrent working to undermine the foundation of our relationship. 

    Photo by Timur Weber

    When we realized the extent to which this season was seriously over-taxing our relationship, we intentionally dedicated ourselves to do what it took to fix it. We started marriage counseling. Redoubled our commitment to active listening and loving communication. We made a greater effort to pray together and sought God’s guidance and wisdom in navigating the trials that kept coming our way.

    In addition, we earnestly sought everyday to do little things to enhance positive feelings of connection with each other. These weren’t grand gestures that required a lot of time and prep work. They were simple little things that spoke love and connection to the other person. I texted Joe at work to let him know I was praying for him. Joe kept the dogs quiet on Saturday morning so I could sleep-in. We spent time talking together about all the little and big things in our lives and how the stress affected us. We made a concerted effort to really listen to each other, empathize and support each other. We committed to do something together once a week that we both enjoyed and was just plain fun. 

    Photo by Cottonbros Studio

    The most effective step we took to feel and be connected during this season was grabbing ahold of the center strand of our three fold cord. Marriage is like a well made cord. Cord consists of two or more stands of fiber twined around a center strand and each other. Clinging to and centering our relationship on God  nurtured a strength in our marriage that was able to withstand whatever trial this season threw at us.

    Going to God together to cast our cares on Him and seek His wisdom and guidance allowed God to weave us together around Himself as the central strand of our union. So, like well made cord, our intertwined strands held strong even when stretched well beyond our individual breaking points. Centering on God has strengthened our emotional and marital connection.

    Photo by Caio

    Whether you are blessed to be in a good season or currently going through a season of stress, take some time to discuss what makes you feel connected to your spouse. Share openly the positive things that bond you to each other and make a plan to incorporate those things into your daily/weekly/monthly routines. Most importantly commit to making God the center strand of your marriage cord. There is no greater strength to sustain your connection.

    Two are better than one because they have a more satisfying return for their labour for if either of them falls , one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and does not have another to lift him up. Again if two lie down together, then they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? And though one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Eccl. 4:9-12

  • REDEFINING STRENGTH: Building on Solid Ground

    If you had told me that it would be this long since my last post, I would not have believed you for a millisecond. For me, writing is essential. It’s not just a creative outlet, it’s a deeply important aspect of faith. It enables me to give voice to God’s presence in my life. It allows me to converse with Him and pour my heart out. The fact that I stopped writing for so long speaks to just how devastating last year was. For most of it, all I could was put my head down and try to walk through whatever happened next.

    I wasn’t up to the task. Last year utterly broke me. It shattered me in ways I didn’t think possible! I felt like I was drowning and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Honestly, there were days that drowning was FAR easier than struggling to stay afloat. In January of this year, I was diagnosed with PTSD.

    I am a strong person. I have always counted my strength as an asset. Faith in Christ and my strength in the face of adversity formed the foundation on which I based my life and my hope. Last year made it abundantly clear that, as a foundation for life and hope, MY strength is little more than a self-aggrandizing delusion. Eventually everyone reaches the end of their capacity to withstand the pummeling and they hit the canvas.

    Face down on the canvas, praying that someone would throw in the towel, I was forced to reevaluate everything I thought to be true about myself and the way I operate in faith. The conclusion I came to is that anchoring any part of my life or hope in my own strength is one of the worst forms of hubris imaginable. It’s ludicrous!

    There’s nothing wrong with a positive self-image. It’s just not a good foundation upon which to build your house. Aside from being fragile, our self-image is constantly in flux as we change and grow. That may be fine for the walls in our building, but if our foundation is in constant flux, our walls will never stand. 

    Piece by peice, God is putting my life and soul back together. Part of this process has been spending time studying 2 Corinthians 11 and 12.

    Chapter 11 catalogs the adversity Paul endured in service to Christ.  It’s a morbidly impressive list. Paul got the crap kicked out of him and yet his response was “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that reveal my weakness” (2 Cor 12:5). WOW! Talk about turning my perspective upside down.

    In chapter 12, God makes it clear that human weakness is the channel through which His strength flows.  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is being made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor 12:9). By boasting in his weakness, Paul allowed the power of Christ to completely enfold him and dwell in him. I like the idea of the power of Christ enfolding and dwelling in me. After all, my strategy up to this point has been a complete failure, so why not! I’ve got nothing to lose.

    Paul’s attitude turns the cultural value of self-sufficiency, and if I am honest, my attitude, completely on its head. Being pleased with my weakness is like living in a foreign country. However, as I have pondered the last year, I have concluded that having my life turned upside down, has given me the correct perspective from which to understand the heart of these chapters.

    I have come to believe that humility and an honest evaluation and acknowledgement of my weakness opens the pathway for God’s strength to manifest perfectly in my life. Operating from human strength is NOT an asset. It is a devastating deterrent! It blocks God from manifesting His power on my behalf. Acknowledging my weakness is the ONLY path to His strength and the ONLY way through adversity to victory.

    Now that I understand that my choice is between my little raindrop of strength and His ocean of power, I will gladly drown in His power every time! If I have to die to self to be present with God, bring on the grave y’all! So, while I never want to go through a season like this EVER again, I am learning to sing the Lords song in a foreign land. I am learning to be;

    “well pleased with weakness, with insults, with distresses, with persecution and with difficulties for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak in human strength, then I am strong; truly able, truly powerful, truly drawing from God’s strength” (2 Cor. 12:10 AMP).  

    I now KNOW, in the depths of my soul, that a foundation based on anything except God’s strength is a false hope that leads to only to death, hell and destruction. If the price of a truly solid foundation is weakness, then let me be as weak as a new born babe!