Leap of Faith

Tag: dealing with stress

  • A CORD OF THREE STRANDS: Strengthening Marital Connection

    Photo by Creative Commons Images

    What makes you feel connected to your spouse in stressful times?

    Eccl 4:9-12 talks about the value of having good connections with others. All of life is made better by good connections. Connection provides a better return on labour. It provides support when you fall. It’s warmth when you sleep and added strength and protection in crisis. These verses are especially powerful when applied to marriage. They end with the statement “a cord of three strands is not easily broken.” Eccl 4:9-12 is a blueprint for surviving stressful times in marriage. 

    The last year and a half Joe and I have lived in a pressure cooker of trial and stress. It has been brutal! We have faced one major issue after another, punctuated by multiple smaller issues, ranging from the highly frustrating to the borderline traumatic. All on a back drop of the continuous 10-12 hour a day stress fest that is my husband’s job. This has unequivocally been the most stressful season of our entire lives.

    Photo by Alpha Trade Zone

    Our daughter was hospitalized with delirium brought on by COVID. Joe was hospitalized for a life threatening sepsis from a spider bite. I had two hospitalizations, including a major surgery to remove a section of my intestines. The resulting medical debt was staggering. Adding to the burden of the medical debt, surgery prohibited me from working for 6 weeks. When our son returned from the Navy, he was dealing with valley of the shadow of death kinds of issues. A dearly loved friend died of cancer. I was unable to attend her funeral because I was in the hospital. Those are just some of the things we faced.

    While none of the issues we faced were directly related to our marriage, the non-stop stress put a significant strain on our relationship. Up to this season, though not problem free, our marriage has been strong, fulfilling, happy and deeply connected. None-the-less, the continuous stress sorely tested our connection. This season has felt like a raging torrent working to undermine the foundation of our relationship. 

    Photo by Timur Weber

    When we realized the extent to which this season was seriously over-taxing our relationship, we intentionally dedicated ourselves to do what it took to fix it. We started marriage counseling. Redoubled our commitment to active listening and loving communication. We made a greater effort to pray together and sought God’s guidance and wisdom in navigating the trials that kept coming our way.

    In addition, we earnestly sought everyday to do little things to enhance positive feelings of connection with each other. These weren’t grand gestures that required a lot of time and prep work. They were simple little things that spoke love and connection to the other person. I texted Joe at work to let him know I was praying for him. Joe kept the dogs quiet on Saturday morning so I could sleep-in. We spent time talking together about all the little and big things in our lives and how the stress affected us. We made a concerted effort to really listen to each other, empathize and support each other. We committed to do something together once a week that we both enjoyed and was just plain fun. 

    Photo by Cottonbros Studio

    The most effective step we took to feel and be connected during this season was grabbing ahold of the center strand of our three fold cord. Marriage is like a well made cord. Cord consists of two or more stands of fiber twined around a center strand and each other. Clinging to and centering our relationship on God  nurtured a strength in our marriage that was able to withstand whatever trial this season threw at us.

    Going to God together to cast our cares on Him and seek His wisdom and guidance allowed God to weave us together around Himself as the central strand of our union. So, like well made cord, our intertwined strands held strong even when stretched well beyond our individual breaking points. Centering on God has strengthened our emotional and marital connection.

    Photo by Caio

    Whether you are blessed to be in a good season or currently going through a season of stress, take some time to discuss what makes you feel connected to your spouse. Share openly the positive things that bond you to each other and make a plan to incorporate those things into your daily/weekly/monthly routines. Most importantly commit to making God the center strand of your marriage cord. There is no greater strength to sustain your connection.

    Two are better than one because they have a more satisfying return for their labour for if either of them falls , one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and does not have another to lift him up. Again if two lie down together, then they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? And though one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Eccl. 4:9-12

  • Short Circuiting Resistance: Finding Rest for our Souls

    Our 6 month old puppy Rocket, LOVES going wherever we go. However, from the beginning, he has strongly resisted wearing his leash. Once it’s on, he trots off happily to whatever activity we’ve planned. Unfortunately, the initial response is ALWAYS the same. ‘Don’t want it. Don’t want it! DON’T WANT IT!’ In his overzealous puppy brain, he thinks he is capable of being in COMPLETE control of himself. In spite of this delusion, he has come to learn that he will not be allowed to join us unless he has his collar and leash. So he BEGRUDGINGLY allows me to put it on him.

    Rocket could certainly get to the park without his leash. However, a lot of not so good things could happen left to his own devices. He gets distracted and heads off in random directions. He goes into other peoples yards and does unsavory things. He charges full speed down to the path without any thought of cyclists, risking a disastrous collision. He could end up getting separated from us and get lost or taken. Worst of all he could get killed by a passing car. His collar and leash are necessary and loving means of leading, guiding and protecting him.

    As we were going through the daily dance of ‘I don’t want my collar’, it occurred to me that I can be a lot like Rocket when it comes to submitting to God. There are times I accept His lead begrudgingly. I learned long ago that resisting God is a BAD idea. Yet, I still find myself telling God ‘I got this. I’ll let you know when I need help.’ It hadn’t occurred to me that begrudging acceptance of His leadership is a subtle and dangerous form of resistance. The word resist means “to exert force in opposition.” Not a good thing spiritually speaking. Needless to say, when I respond this way I am as delusional as Rocket.

    At it’s best, life tends to get complicated. With all the challenges, it can get burdensome and it’s just plain tiring doing it on my own. Even my best decisions can have unforeseen negative consequences. Try as I might, I just can’t ever see the WHOLE picture. No matter how strong and capable we may be, we aren’t designed to do life on our own. The stupidest part is, trying to is as delusional as Rocket trying to get to the park without his leash. We can do it, but it’s unnecessarily difficult and potentially dangerous. The good news is Jesus offers us an alternative to the difficulty and exhaustion of going it alone.

    “Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matt 11:28-30.”

    In her devotion “The Life You Long For”, Christy Nockles defines rest as trusting in God. If we truly trust that God loves us and wants the best for us; that He is not only capable, but totally willing to handle ANY circumstance or situation that comes our way; and that He passionately wants to enable us to become our BEST selves, then we can yoke ourselves to him confidently. When we allow ourselves to be yoked to Jesus, we can actually find REST for our weary souls!. For many of us, this pandemic is the longest period of sustained stress we have ever faced and it has been EXHAUSTING. We are in DESPERATE need of REST!

    Willingly, joyfully, submitting to Jesus’ yoke can bring us the thing we need most in any season of life, REST! Jesus is a gentle and humble leader. Therefore we have no fear of exploitation or abuse. He promises to guide and teach us from His vast wellspring of wisdom. I can be at peace no matter what I face. When I have Him walking beside me through the furrows of life, I am assured that I will get where I need to go and experience restoration for my soul along the way. So it’s time to short circuit resistance. Day by day, I need to chose to take Jesus’ yoke, not begrudgingly but with excitement and celebration. Jack Cassidy expresses this perfectly in his song ”Let Go, Let God”. It’s how we find rest for our souls.